Signs of possible toxic people:

  • You have become uncomfortable in their presence or in conversing with them
  • You find that the person is constantly criticizing you
  • The person doesn't’ really LISTEN to you, instead spends more time on their own issues
  • Perhaps you find yourself depressed and negative after being with someone
  • You feel a general sense of anxiety when with them
  • The person fails to acknowledge any of your achievements or successes
  • Begins to bully you into what he thinks is best for you; what you should or should not do; or makes you feel inadequate for not "moving on" quickly enough for him
  • You may have started avoiding the person because of how he makes you feel

How to face the situation:

  • Determine why a person is, or has become, toxic to you
  • Was the person always toxic or is this new?
  • If this is a family member, have they begun dealing with their own grief?  Could it be that they are avoiding their own feelings by spending too much time trying to direct you?
  • Could you be misinterpreting things now that you are grieving?
  • Have you HONESTLY discussed your feelings with that person?
  • Could the person be well intentioned, yet misguided?
  • Do you really enjoy the activities or situations that bring you in contact with this person?
  • Could you be holding on to the relationship due to fear of making new ones?

Possible solutions:

  • Decide if the toxic person is necessary to you RIGHT NOW – need to COMMUNICATE!
  • If the person is important to you, then take the time to try to get him to understand why he is becoming toxic. Consider taking a third party with you.
  • If the person isn't that important to you, suggest that you need time to deal with your grief and tell him you won’t be in touch for a while.  A good friend will understand and honor your request
  • It is also harder to cope with toxic people who are part of:
Our close family unit
Our work
Our religious or civic organizations
Clubs, exercise groups, study groups, social circles
  • While we can decide to get involved in other activities, this may not be healthy for us.  We shouldn’t be put in the position of having to leave or run away due to someone else’s actions.
  • This is the time to put yourself FIRST and be SELFISH if necessary!




Toxic people can be family, friends or acquaintances. 

Sometimes, the relationship has become toxic because you, the griever, have changed.  This can make it difficult for the people who knew you "before" your loss, because they are unable to adapt to who you have become.

Sometimes you have changed so much that there is no longer anything in common with the people you used to be friends with.

At other times, the people in your life want things for you that you don't want or that are not healthy.

Others may become toxic because they can't offer you adequate emotional support because they have lost patience with what they perceive as your preoccupation with death as you struggle to survive.

There is no intent here to encourage anyone to break ties with people who are important to them.

But, there are times when you may need time away from particular people as you work to regain balance and peace in your life.

Only you can decide if, and when, someone has become toxic to you and to your progress in adapting to life without your spouse.

Hopefully, the ideas on this page will help make things easier as you  cope with this very real problem.